When we think of working couples, we tend to think about how to build love. But in reality, there is something that is just as crucial, perhaps even the essential factor: confidence.
5 studies to test the role of self-esteem in the success of a romantic relationship
Researchers at the University of Waterloo undertook five studies to test the role of self-esteem in the success of a romantic relationship. In particular, partners were tested on their inability to accept positive comments and compliments.
Studies show that the more insecure partners are, the more forcefully they reject the good things they hear - and the less good they feel about their relationships.
It is true that if you already have high self-esteem, getting praise and compliments strengthens your belief that you can trust your partner, which of course strengthens the relationship. But when our self-esteem is low, we doubt what we hear because it's so drastically different from what we say to ourselves all the time. Convinced that our negative inner voice is the one telling the facts, then we hear our partner's kind words as insincere and our trust in each other and in the relationship stings.
It seems that the best way to gain confidence is to ask small, sincere questions about your partner's day-to-day life ; according to one of the studies, it is precisely being heard and taking care of oneself as they relate their day that makes partners with low self-esteem feel better.
Oddly, however, in couples where both partners had high self-esteem, neither felt a higher degree of satisfaction in the relationship after having a "how was your day" conversation. Nevertheless, a little caring moment is always welcome in any couple.